Another day, another story. Yesterday we talked about Friday the 13th and the story of my engagement. Today I am going to tell you about the comical event that was the birth of my little Valentine boy we named Thomas.
The first thing that was weird about this was the fact he was being born on his actual due date. Babies rarely come on their due dates. The reason this was funny to us is because we had just had a baby on Halloween, 15 months earlier. Holiday baby #2, horray. Except, we ended up at a completely different hospital with a completely different doctor ~ at the last dang minute.
The whole beginning part of the hospital room and getting settled was pretty much a disaster. The nurses kept blowing my veins trying to get an i.v. going. I left the hospital with black-n-blue arms. My daughter was 8 at the time and she made the crack that what the heck did my arms have to do with giving birth when she saw how beat up they were. No, it was just a wicked i.v. experience.
Thomas is the kind of kid that tends to march to the beat of his own drum, and it was clear that he was going to be this kind of kid ~ even before he came out. I was in labor, but my water wouldn’t break. The doctor I ended up with was this hilarious little Chinese dude that looked like a midget. He tried to break the water to move things along. He couldn’t do it. This was the craziest thing I had ever heard. He stuck that hook up where it goes, and no dice. He told me that this little boy was doing things HIS way and that the baby would NOT let him break the water. Say what? Seriously – every time the doctor tried to break the water, the baby (my Thomas) would move in such a way that the doctor could not do it safely. Um, okay. So we wait. Thirty minutes later, the water broke on its own. Now let’s get this party started.
The nurses in this scene were kind of a joke. There were like little teeny bopper cheerleader types, rah rah sis boom bah. I seriously wanted to slap them. They proceeded to tell me that they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Um, what? I can feel the little dude kicking me – don’t tell me his heart isn’t beating. They insisted there was no heartbeat. This doesn’t even make sense. Go get the doctor. Funny little Chinese doctor comes back. He says the baby is swimming the wrong way. Say what? Yep, they couldn’t find the heartbeat with that belt thing because they had placed it in the wrong spot. Well, they placed it where it should normally go, because babies typically descend in labor, but no, not MY Thomas, he was going up instead of down. Yeah, that was lovely. Further to push him out, lol.
Did I mention I had a cold while I was in labor with this kid? Yeah, trouble breathing while you’re in labor is not fun. Moving along.
Then came the failed epidural. The guy that did my epidural did it wrong. Yeah, that was oh so fun. NOT. And by the time they wanted to re-do it, it was – uh – too late. So they tried to give me pain meds in my i.v. The i.v. that was all jacked up. Well, I had a bad reaction to that pain medicine. A reaction that kept making me want to vomit. So imagine me, with an oxygen mask on my face for whatever reason, trying to push, not able to breathe, and trying not to hurl while having contractions that hurt like $*!)$(%* to get a kid out of my body. And all the while, the little teeny bopper nurses are squeaking out mouse like noises to me saying ‘oh honey, you can do it, you just need to focus’ … I may or may not have lost my lady like composure at one point.
And then the bottom part of the bed collapsed and they almost dropped me. That was graceful and elegant, I’m sure, lol.
But somehow, by the Grace of God, in the midst of this chaos, I managed to thrust this kid out of my body and he was caught by the Chinese midget. Hubby cuts the cord. My Valentine is born. And no nurses were murdered in the process.
This boy is now a decade old. He is fun, hilarious, smart, witty, charming and artistic. He draws cartoons and storyboards. He loves legos. Whenever we can’t find him, he’s usually in a tree somewhere. He’s totally fun and amazing and super sweet to his mama.
As always, make champion choices,
The Healthy Habit Lady